New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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