....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
