There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
