Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
