how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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