another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
