don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
