Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
