FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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