did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
