dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
