When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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