OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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