Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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