I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
