Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
