Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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