i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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