if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
