I hate your face
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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