I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
