Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
