R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
