Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if only i could text you this smell
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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