Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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