Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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