Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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