Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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