I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
