I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
