If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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