apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
