Im at strip club and am horny
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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