I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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