The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
