My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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