your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
