I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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