If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
