you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
