Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
