I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
