She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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