I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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