Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
