it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need to sanitize my soul.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
