I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
