if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do vagina's smell?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
MIDGETS
????
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize