I'm drive I can fine osifer
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
