i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
