i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my shit smells like andre
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
