Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
