During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
