It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
