I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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