I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
