dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I would ride that face into the sunset
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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