Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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