You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
