from now on my penis is your penis
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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