if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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