Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it hurts more in the daytime
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
