I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
