So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
