White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
