The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
