conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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