just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize