Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
