Plan B is the new Plan A
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
