You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
