oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
